On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur
by cellochick373
Summary: Cosima is a member of the 1939 cohort of Rhodes scholars studying at Oxford University in England. On the train to the university she crosses paths with a blonde who she can't seem to pin down, but who she desperately wants to figure out. Their paths can only become more intertwined as WWII begins and the blonde's role in it all is revealed. WWII Cophine AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Title translates to "We see well only with the heart." Also I am aware that there were no women Rhodes scholars until the 1970s, but artistic license and all that.

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Cosima swept her hair back from her face, pinning the messy strands into a loose knot at the nape of her neck as she glanced absentmindedly out the window. She was still a good distance outside of Oxford, and she sighed impatiently before settling back into her seat.

She was loathe to admit it, but she was very much on edge, her mind swirling with all of the warnings and cautionary tales she had received from family members and friends. And sure, okay, maybe it was a little crazy to be travelling to a country that was supposedly on the brink of war. Maybe leaving the relative safety of the United States for the unrest and turmoil of Britain wasn't the smartest of choices, but it was a _Rhodes scholarship_. Those didn't exactly come along every day, especially not when you were a woman. In fact, she was fairly certain she was the only woman in the entire cohort of scholars….stupid sexism, she grumbled to herself.

It was hard enough being a woman who actually had a brain in the U.S., she could only hope that it wouldn't be too much of an insufferable boys club when she got to Oxford. But then, this was the good old 1930's, and the idea of a woman having any kind of life outside of doting on her husband and popping out babies was….well, it was frowned upon.

A slight frown tugged at the corners of Cosima's mouth as she contemplated all of the ways in which a life like that would cause her to shrivel up and die. Shaking her head to clear those thoughts, Cosima took a slow breath in and tried to re-focus on why she was sitting on a train in Britain in the first place.

 _I am a badass. I am the only woman in the 1939 cohort of Rhodes scholars. I have fought tooth and nail for the last 29 years to get here, and I deserve this. Nothing is going to get in my way._

Exhaling her breath, she wiggled around in the seat for a minute, trying to get comfortable. Her unsuccessful attempts at finding a position she could nap in were interrupted by the train slowing to a stop as it approached the Reading station. The train was pretty deserted to begin with, and nobody from her carriage stood up to depart. She had picked a seat at one of the ends of the car facing in towards the rest of the seats specifically so she could people watch to entertain herself, but the slim pickings had proven uninteresting.

As the train slowly pulled away after a few moments, Cosima was startled by the compartment door behind her opening. Turning to look she saw two men in military uniforms walk through, followed by a woman. Cosima felt her heart lurch in her chest and grasped the arm of her chair tightly as she suddenly took in the sight of the woman.

Unlike her apparent travelling companions, she was not in military attire. Instead, she was wearing deep maroon trousers, a bit loose at the ankles where they met a pair of black men's oxfords but then fitted closely over her hips, coming to rest snugly against the curves of a slender waist. A white chiffon dress shirt was tucked neatly into the waistband, and a black overcoat was draped over her arm. Hesitating for a split second Cosima let her eyes travel up to the woman's face and her mouth went dry. A halo of soft blonde curls framed a striking pair of almond-shaped eyes and flawless porcelain skin. The woman's lips were stained a dark red, as though she had been eating the sweet dark summer cherries that were so recently in seasons.

The woman walked past where Cosima was seated without so much as a glance, joining her companions at the far end of the carriage and immediately striking up conversation with them. As she struggled to catch her breath, Cosima inhaled a remnant of the other woman's perfume and found herself immediately committing the scent to memory. Unable to help her staring, Cosima watched the other woman laugh at something one of the men had said.

The blonde was the most fascinating balance of simultaneously masculine and feminine traits Cosima had ever seen. Beyond her gender-bending attire, her whole energy was different, somehow. There was softness and warmth, but with an undercurrent of unquestionable confidence and strength. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was an edge to the woman, a hardness, or maybe it was a sharpness...whatever it was, it was clear even across the train car that the military men were the ones accompanying her and excited about the opportunity, rather than the other way around.

Speaking of which...it was strange that anyone military would have gotten on the train headed to Oxford right now. There were no military bases in or around Oxford, as far as she knew. That had actually been one of the selling points she had used when she was trying to calm her family's fears about her moving here. She had rationalized that if war did start, she would be in a relatively removed locale that wouldn't be a prime military target, and therefore she would be relatively safe.

It wasn't that she was naive about the current political climate; she had been following what news she could get for some time now. In all honesty, even from what limited information she had, Cosima wouldn't be surprised if war did break out between Germany and Poland, and by extension France and Britain.

Hitler and Mussolini had come out with their so-called "Pact of Steel" back in April, and it had been two months of relative quiet since then. Something was likely brewing, but Cosima wasn't aware enough of international politics to figure out exactly what. All she knew was that it was June now, and if things didn't change drastically in the near future then Europe was headed to war.

That said, war was not yet a reality, which brought her back to the mystery of trio that had gotten on the train. And okay, fine, maybe some of her curiosity was actually to do with the blonde than with the men and what they could be doing out here, but was that so unjustified? Even in San Francisco it was rare for Cosima to ever see a woman so blatantly defy gender norms, and defiance of gender norms typically meant that people would also be open to defying... _other_ cultural norms.

Her heartbeat quickened at the mere thought of the woman in the carriage entertaining the idea of anything with her. There was a magnetism about her, and Cosima just _wanted_. Wanted to be her friend, wanted to spend time around her, wanted to work with her, wanted anything and everything the other woman was willing to give.

Maybe if she could introduce herself, start a connection- the jolting of the train slowing to approach the Oxford platform dragged her from her thoughts, and she felt a brief moment of panic. The blonde woman was standing to leave, the two men leading the way, and Cosima felt a burst of desperation course through her as the woman turned to walk out of the carriage.

"Wait!" She called, not thinking about anything besides the fact that she couldn't just let this woman walk out of her life. The blonde paused and turned to Cosima, arching a brow questioningly.

"I, uh…" Cosima stumbled over her words. It wasn't like she could just ask the blonde out on a date, after all, at least not when they were both in public like this. "I, um, I like your pants- I mean trousers," she hastily corrected herself, wanting to smack herself in the forehead for inadvertently complimenting the other woman's underwear.

A look of amusement flitted briefly across the blonde's face and she barely pressed back a smile when she replied, "Merci." She remained guarded though, unsure of what the small brunette's motivations were. Cosima opened her mouth to try to redeem herself, but lost the words as she found herself caught in intense hazel eyes gazing at her searchingly.

"Delphine! Get lost in there?" The shout from outside caught the woman's attention, and with a last questioning glance at Cosima she stepped out onto the platform. Cosima sagged back against the side of the car.

 _Delphine_.

Oxford wasn't exactly a large town, and now that she knew the woman's name it would only be a matter of time before they ran into each other again. She could ask around, see who knew her and whether anyone might be able to introduce them. Surely someone as jaw-droppingly gorgeous as the blonde wouldn't escape the notice of all the university students and townies.

Pushing herself off of the wall, Cosima sighed and tried to let her disappointment at not making a good first impression go. The blonde- Delphine- hadn't seemed put off by it, and Cosima smiled to herself as she began to scheme.

She couldn't take back the awkward first impression, but she could do everything in her power to make the second one memorable.

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 **A/N:** Is this worth continuing? I desperately love this pairing, and I really want to do a piece with a more empowered badass Delphine, but I also want to hear what you all think of the premise!


	2. Chapter 2

Cosima huffed in frustration, throwing herself onto a stool at the bar.

"Oi, Cos, way to jump the queue!"

Looking up, Cosima saw Sarah looking at her impatiently as she gestured behind Cosima. Sliding over to an adjoining stool Cosima turned to see who she had jumped and smiled at the man she saw. "Sorry Clive, I didn't even notice you there."

The man chuckled and waved her off as he sidled up to the bar to grab his beer. As he walked back into the Rabbit Room at the back of the bar where he and some other writers liked to meet, she heard a parting remark thrown her way in his Irish brogue. "Don't pine after that gent for too long, now. S'not good for the heart to always be waiting."

Groaning, Cosima out her head down on her arms at the bar again. If only it was that simple. The thunk of a beer glass hitting the bar coaxed her to lift her head, and she saw Sarah watching her with slightly more sympathetic eyes now that she wasn't cutting off paying customers.

Cosima had met the bartender when she first arrived in Oxford and had stumbled into the Eagle and Child while exploring. The pub was small, but she had loved it immediately. It was only a few minutes walk from her dorms, and after her first few appearances when it was clear she wasn't a summer vacationer Sarah had gradually warmed to her.

Sarah was a single mum, widowed from what she had told Cosima, and had been struggling to make ends meet when the owner of the pub had offered her a job. It was unorthodox for a woman to work in a pub, but Sarah seemed to have taken right to it, quickly endearing herself to the regulars. Cosima hadn't been able to glean much else from the little Sarah had shared. The barkeep wasn't exactly forthcoming with information, and when Cosima tried to pry and be nosy she would just growl and stomp off to go check something in the storeroom.

In fact, Cosima was fairly certain she wouldn't have ever heard the little she had if it hadn't been for one evening when she had been about to pick up and head home for the night. A small voice had reached her ears as she was pushing her stool back and she had turned. An angelic little girl who couldn't have been more than five stood in the doorway to the storeroom, head poked out and clearly looking around for something. "Where's your mom honey," Cosima had asked, but before the girl could answer Sarah was swooping in to kneel in front of the her.

"Kira, love, what did I tell you about coming in here while I'm working?" The girl sighed. "That I'm not supposed to. But Uncle Felix was being boring! He wanted me to go to sleep and I can still see the sun!" She gestured wildly to the still-visible light coming through the windows, and Cosima couldn't help her laugh. The girl was just too precious, especially when she started to pout as Sarah picked her up and started walking with her. Sarah glanced at Cosima and Cosima nodded, still laughing, waving Sarah out the door to smooth things over.

"I'll handle things here till you get back," she chuckled, and Sarah mouthed a thank you at her as she carried Kira back into the storeroom and out the back door. When Sarah returned she had just looked at Cosima for a moment before exhaling a short laugh and explaining what had to be the bare minimum.

A slow friendship started to build from there and after a few weeks of casual conversation Cosima had tried to inconspicuously ask about Delphine. She wouldn't even have brought it up, but somehow there had been no sight of the blonde since she had stepped off of the train and it was killing her. No sign of her on campus, nor in the town, and Cosima was starting to lose hope. It wasn't like she could ask just anyone though; it was a small town, and people would talk if the new girl suddenly started asking too many questions or seemed just a little too interested in another woman.

But Sarah seemed like an okay person, and as a local Cosima figured she was as likely as anyone else to have seen Delphine at some point. When she asked, Sarah had stood there, hand on her cocked hip, and leaned back to take a good look at Cosima. Cosima had tried to play cool and look unimpressed, but had felt herself shrink just the tiniest bit under Sarah's stare. It wasn't that she was ashamed, it just wasn't safe. She would lose her scholarship, her livelihood- and that could be just the beginning.

Cosima had heard stories of some women like her being beaten, raped, even killed when they were found out. It wasn't uncommon, and she knew that she was lucky that she was comfortable living in the very feminine way that she did.

She had had a conversation at one time with a friend of hers, very masculine with short hair and men's clothes, and she had been complaining about how hard it was to find a lover. She had been young, and horny, and still naive about the world, and she imagined it would be so much easier in some ways to be someone who looked like she was attracted to other women.

It seemed so much easier to be visible and wait for the curious ladies to flock to her bed under cover of night or in the smoke of a bar, and to never have anyone doubt that this wasn't just a phase for her. As soon as the words "I wish I could have it easy like you," were out of her mouth, her friend's eyes had hardened. They had paused for a moment, clearly gathering their thoughts, before they spoke.

"You're right, Cosima, if women are curious or looking for a fling they do come to us first because of how we look. But you know who else comes to us first? The people who think we're freaks, abominations who should be burned off the face of this earth. People like me? We die every day, Cosima, simply for how we look and who we are.

Don't get me wrong, women that look like you are hurt too, and I don't want to take away from that or tell you you have it easy, because you don't. But there's a heavy price to pay just for us to be comfortable in our own skins, because you can bet that if we forced ourselves to put on dresses and makeup we would end up just as dead, only more likely by our own hand than someone else's. Do you know what that choice is? To have to choose between possible death because someone hates you or certain death because you strangled your soul in lacy fabric and heels? Because I can tell you one thing: it's the farthest thing from easy I've ever faced."

Cosima had felt scolded in the moment, and defensive when she was confronted with the reality that in spite of the challenges and danger she faced, she did still receive a measure of grace from society at large because she still looked like what society deemed "normal." As she had gotten older she had started to understand the true weight of what her friend had shared.

She couldn't not love women, but if she was discreet then it didn't have to have an impact on other areas of her life. When she stressed about whether her job or school would find out and punish her for being attracted to women, she had the chance to stress in the first place because nobody was automatically making assumptions based on her looks. It still sucked, there was no getting around the reality that she lived in a world that condemned her, but her experience was dramatically different than her friends who were visibly non-conforming.

People didn't spit in her face or shove her off the sidewalk when she was walking; they smiled at her or stepped to the side so she wouldn't have to step in the road. Men would harass her or call rude things at her or flirt with her obnoxiously, but she had never once had someone throw a punch at her or call her a dyke or faggot. Her experience was different because she was careful, and so standing in the pub with Sarah sizing her up made her worry. It would be all too easy for Sarah to start spreading around rumors (or fact, as it were) about Cosima that would have far-reaching consequences, and the minute it took Sarah to respond was one of the longest in Cosima's life.

Finally, though, the other brunette shook her head, and maybe it was Cosima's imagination but it seemed like her eyes softened just the tiniest bit. "No, I haven't seen her," Sarah said gruffly, and then more softly: "But if I was you I'd be careful going about asking random people that kind of question in this town. People are looking for something to take their minds off the possibility of war, and nothing hits the spot like a little local drama."

Heat rose in Cosima's cheeks at the warning and she shook her head quickly. "It's nothing like that, I just needed to see if she was in one of my classes-" Sarah cut her off with a raised hand. "Don't even try that shite with me. You looked like a little lovesick puppy asking about her." Cosima opened her mouth, vaguely offended, but then realized she had nothing to say and heaved a sigh of defeat. "Can I get a beer at least?"

"Sure," Sarah offered kindly, "One pint coming up. And Cos?" Cosima looked up. "I'll keep an eye out for her."

Since then Cosima had spilled the beans about the exact circumstances of her initial encounter with Delphine, which had made Sarah pretend to gag and her brother Felix squeal in delight. Felix was a slight thing, a roguish smile on his face and messy locks of hair flopping about as he moved. He was also...well, suffice to say Cosima was glad to have found a kindred spirit.

There still hadn't been so much as an inkling of Delphine, however, which was driving Cosima to distraction. It was mid-August now and she was starting to lose hope. She wasn't sure what it was about the blonde that still had her tied up in knots. It had been one sighting; surely she could get over it after months of pining. Grumbling under her breath, she drained the last of her glass. "Give Kira and Felix my love," she said, and Sarah nodded and waved as she headed out the door.

The sun beating down felt lovely and warm as soon as she stepped outside, and Cosima took a second to just enjoy the light. It wasn't often there were clear sunny days like this here, and she soaked in the way the soft light reflected off of the world. Walking through Oxford felt like walking through a storybook sometimes with the cobblestone streets and lush greenery.

There was no indication in the town that there was an impending disaster on the horizon, no sign of the escalating tensions and likely violence that would arrive in the near future. It was peaceful, and Cosima reveled in the quiet as she approached her college. She was attending Somerville College, as it was one of the women's colleges and thus was one of the few equipped to house her, and to get to her room in Park she had to walk past the chapel. It was a gorgeous building, the little spires on the corners reaching skyward, and she loved to look at it whenever she was passing it.

As she was walking past one of the enclaves, her vision suddenly darted to a flash of gold and Cosima felt her heart stop. Her head turned so fast she was surprised she didn't injure herself, and her jaw dropped as her brain's initial recognition was confirmed.

Delphine.

The blonde was standing in the enclave speaking with one of the faculty, a man who taught...German? She wasn't close enough to actually hear what they were saying, but the bits and pieces she caught were clearly being said in German.

Fascinating. I didn't think she was German….I'm like 99% sure Delphine is not a German name.

Shrugging, Cosima looked back to the conversing pair. Delphine looked just as beautiful (handsome?) as she had the first time Cosima saw her, and she still had on clothing that was a bold mixture of masculine and feminine.

Who is this woman and how is it that she looks and acts as she does, yet still manages to keep the company of both military men and academics?

Delphine said something that seemed to frustrate the professor as he shook his head vigorously. The blonde retorted harshly, although Cosima supposed she didn't have any way of knowing what was actually said. Without warning Delphine spun on her heel and began walking quickly towards where Cosima was. Cosima floundered for a second, not sure if she should try to run away or hide or say something to Delphine, and before she could decide the other woman was rounding the corner, nearly bowling Cosima over in the process.

"Mon dieu, je suis desole!" The words and physical collision disoriented Cosima and she blinked dumbly at the blonde. "You're French?" Delphine looked back at her for a moment, confused by her response, before reaching out to gently prod at Cosima's head. "Ah, Americain. Are you all right? Did you hit your head?"

Shaking her head no, Cosima felt her brain finally catch up with what was happening. Sticking out her hand, she introduced herself. "I'm Cosima. We met on the train, right?" Delphine nodded, reaching out and grasping Cosima's hand lightly. "We did," she smiled slightly, "Enchantee."

Grinning now, Cosima said, "I haven't seen you around since then. Are you a student or faculty here?"

"Non," Delphine replied, shaking her head quickly, "I'm not affiliated with the university. I just travel here occasionally for work." Cosima cocked her head at that, not having expected that response but quickly fitting it into what she knew of the blonde. Delphine glanced down briefly at where their hands were still connected, but instead of dropping the contact she looked back up to meet Cosima's eyes and squeezed lightly.

"Speaking of which, I must be on my way. But perhaps we will see each other again soon, Cosima. I think I would like that very much." With a parting smile- _was that a wink or did I just imagine that?-_ Delphine turned and walked away from Cosima, leaving the brunette to pick her jaw up off of the ground.

Leaning back against the building, she exhaled noisily. The woman was perfect, and she was so completely screwed.

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 **A/N: Next chapter will be more focused on Delphine's side of things and some info about her gorgeous mysterious self!  
**


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